Personal Responsibility

At a Glance

• Setting Boundaries with In-Laws - “You’ve rearranged your hierarchy of moral obligations. It’s no longer your parents, it’s no longer your siblings, it’s your partner is number one, number one, along with you.” The speaker emphasizes the importance of prioritizing the relationship between partners when entering marriage.

• Limiting Contact - “How about once a week? That’s not so bad… if you’re gonna to get married, then you make your marriage paramount, and you erect walls around it.” The speaker advocates for setting reasonable boundaries with in-laws to protect the marital relationship.

• Protecting Marriage - “And I love you and I care for you, is no excuse for making you unhealthy and dependent and miserable… You put out a hand of trust to your in-laws, but a careful one” The speaker highlights the importance of protecting the marriage from external influences that can cause harm.

• Prioritizing Marriage - “If you’re going to have grandchildren, but you don’t take any nonsense… You make sure that everyone knows who’s who.” The speaker emphasizes the need to prioritize the marriage and establish clear boundaries with in-laws, even as one navigates the complexities of extended family relationships.

• Preserving Civilization - “Hold on to your civilization. Don’t let it go. Not without a fight.” The speaker concludes by emphasizing the importance of preserving cultural values and societal norms, which are worth fighting for.

What to Do

• Erect walls around your marriage - This advice suggests that when you get married, you should make your relationship with your partner a priority and create boundaries to protect it from external influences.

• Limit contact with family members to reasonable amounts - The speaker advises clients to set limits on how often they interact with their family members, especially if those interactions are causing them stress or misery.

• Draw a line and hang up when necessary - This advice suggests that if someone is making you feel unhealthy or dependent through excessive phone calls or other means of contact, it’s okay to put your foot down and limit contact.

• Make your marriage paramount - The speaker emphasizes the importance of prioritizing your relationship with your partner above all else, including family relationships.

• Discuss rules for familial engagement carefully with your partner - This advice suggests that you should have open and honest discussions with your partner about how to handle interactions with your extended family, and come up with a plan that works for both of you.

What to Get

• Maps of Meaning: The Architecture of Belief by Jordan Peterson - Amazon - For delving deeper into topics covered in the podcast topic.

• 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos by Jordan Peterson - Amazon ‍

Summary

The conversation starts with a discussion about family dynamics and relationships, particularly when it comes to leaving one’s childhood home and establishing an adult relationship with a partner. Dr. Jordan B. Peterson, the speaker, emphasizes the importance of prioritizing the new marriage and setting boundaries with extended family members. He uses a hypothetical example of a 27-year-old woman whose mother calls her three times a day, making her miserable, to illustrate the point that excessive contact can be damaging.

Dr. Peterson suggests conducting an experiment where the woman’s parents limit their phone calls to once a week, and if she gets upset during the call, they simply hang up. This approach aims to establish healthy boundaries and protect the couple’s relationship from unnecessary stress. He also advises couples to discuss and agree upon rules for familial engagement, ensuring that everyone understands who has priority in their lives.

The conversation takes a broader turn as Dr. Peterson touches on themes of identity, morality, and cultural values. He expresses concerns about the erosion of individual freedom and autonomy in modern societies, warning against the dangers of collectivism and groupthink. He emphasizes the importance of preserving Western civilization’s unique qualities, such as its emphasis on individualism, responsibility, and free will.

The episode concludes with a call to action, urging listeners to engage with Dr. Peterson’s work, including his books “Maps of Meaning” and “12 Rules for Life.” The podcast host announces that they will be starting a new series exploring the biblical stories around Easter, which might interest listeners beyond those who are religious. Overall, this conversation offers insights into relationships, identity, and cultural values, highlighting the need to prioritize individual freedom and responsibility in the face of societal pressures.

Some interesting points from the episode include:

• The importance of establishing healthy boundaries in relationships
• Prioritizing one’s marriage and setting limits with extended family members
• The dangers of excessive contact and its impact on mental health
• Emphasizing individualism, responsibility, and free will in a collectivist society
• Preserving Western civilization’s unique qualities and values